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What is Pocketing?
Pocketing, also known as stashing, is a toxic dating trend where one partner intentionally keeps the relationship hidden from their close circle of family and friends. This behavior can leave the pocketed individual feeling invisible and undervalued, particularly if they are eager to be acknowledged publicly. While it’s normal for some couples to take time before going public, pocketing for an extended period may suggest deeper issues within the relationship.
Dr. Chandni Tugnait, M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, and Founder of Gateway of Healing, explains that pocketing can be a sign of commitment issues, trust problems, or even infidelity. Although the signs of being pocketed can be subtle, they often manifest in social avoidance, lack of introductions, or reluctance to talk about the relationship with others.
If you’re concerned that your partner is hiding your relationship, it’s important to address the situation. Here are five alarming reasons your partner could be pocketing you.
They’re Not Ready for Commitment
One of the most common reasons for pocketing is fear of commitment. Your partner may enjoy your company but isn’t ready to take the relationship to the next level by introducing you to important people in their life. They may fear the consequences of committing too soon and regret making the relationship official later on. This hesitation often comes from uncertainty about the future of the relationship or unresolved personal issues.
Fear of Judgment
For some, the fear of judgment from family or friends can lead to pocketing behavior. Your partner may be worried about how their loved ones will perceive your relationship, especially if there are differences in religion, race, or socioeconomic background. Instead of facing potential disapproval, they choose to hide the relationship altogether.
This behavior reflects a lack of confidence in their own decisions and the relationship itself. It may suggest that your partner is not prepared to stand up for you or the relationship, even in the face of potential criticism.
They’re Seeing Other People
In some cases, pocketing occurs because your partner is involved with other people. By keeping your relationship under wraps, they avoid complicating things with their other partners. This is a red flag that should not be ignored, as it often indicates dishonesty and a lack of loyalty.
If you suspect this is the case, having an open and honest conversation with your partner is essential. Avoid jumping to conclusions, but express how this secrecy makes you feel.
To Avoid Conflict
Sometimes, the reason for pocketing is not a personal shortcoming but an attempt to avoid conflict within their social group or family. If your partner believes that revealing the relationship will cause arguments or strain within their family, they may decide to keep it hidden.
This is common in relationships that have cross-cultural or religious boundaries. While this might seem valid, it’s important to recognize that avoiding conflict by concealing the relationship is unhealthy in the long term. A relationship should be built on trust and openness, not fear of external judgment.
To Maintain Control
Pocketing can also be a subtle form of manipulation and control. By keeping the relationship hidden, your partner holds all the power. They control when and if you’re introduced to their world, keeping you isolated and dependent on them.
This behavior is a serious red flag, as it indicates deeper issues of control and trust in the relationship. If your partner is pocketing you to maintain dominance, it’s important to recognize this toxic dynamic and address it immediately.
Conclusion: The Importance of Open Communication
Being pocketed can be an emotionally draining experience, making you feel unimportant in your partner’s life. While not all instances of pocketing are malicious, they often point to underlying issues such as fear of commitment, external judgment, or even manipulation.
If you believe you’re being pocketed, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Let them know how their actions are affecting you, and try to understand their perspective. In many cases, authentic communication can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. However, if pocketing continues despite your efforts to address it, it may be time to reassess the future of the relationship.
Understanding the reasons behind pocketing can empower you to take control of the situation, whether that means working through the issues or moving on to a more transparent, committed relationship.
